celalat...the Coopers Epiphany - Late Night Freak Show of my thoughts

   so, about the struggle within...the Coopers Epiphany...

   as a newbie, or better said new-born emigrant, I reached a stage where I almost forgot how I got here in Australia...is like i just forgot how to really really wish something good for me...

   when the seed of immigration began it's growth in my heart, my thoughts, it was just like a new race, like a new threshold, or like a new achievement to be proud of...then, day by day, just waiting, just tasting the bitter and sour of my former home, Romania, I just felt with my entire myself that this is what I was supposed to do...the right thing...the smart move...the good choice...and thus I began to consipire with the entire universe to fullfill my dream, my desire...and it happend! beacause I tooked care of all the details, of all the possible variables, I prepared for every scenario, even for the worst, but aiming only for success, and most of all because I really wished for it!
   it was a fight mostly with myself, and then with the system...

   it's hard to start again from scratch...it's painfull to say goodbye to everything you love and are used with, for who knows how long...it's hard to break down a balance and a life with wich you are used to, and for wich your worked hard to acheive...it's just so hard, and painfull, and lonely...
   and you'll do it...you'll spread your wings and fly...and then, suddenly, you reach a time when you start doubting even yourself...you start wondering if it's going to be allright...you start having insomnia, no appetite for anything at all...even a perfect day seems to be of bad weather, too hot, or too windy, or too cold, or too long...
   trust me, you can read all about it, you can speak all about it, you can shout it from the bottom of your sorry ass (I just liked how it sounds)...but you'll never be prepared for just simply being born again but with some giant hadicaps: all the wrong prejudices and habits and teaches, AND BEING FORCED TO RELY FOR THE FIRST TIME JUST ON YOURSELF...

  my epiphany...I realised that when you are surrounded by close friends, and loving family, and living in a system that you know and play, you just never never rely only on yourself... and here, after you try to fit and start a new life, and after you just started to tear down the most tallest and tough wall wich is made only of your and only yours bad habits and prejudices...you begin, actually I began, to feel the fear of not being strong enough, I began to doubt myself and my strenght...

  tonight it just hitted me...I have stopped, for a moment, to really wish and dream...and so I have lost for a brief time, the support and power of my two most important supporters: myself and the universe!

  so,about the struggle within...bring it on playa'!

  so...tomorrow is a great day! I almost feel like having no need to sleep at all, only just to be aware when the sun first shines on me and my dreams! I just love Australia and the opportunities that are here, for me!

  there's nothing I can't do or achieve!... in a way or another, but always the good way!
  just wait and see! :-)))

  Cheers!


PS: stiu ca sunt cativa care nu vor reusi sa citeasca textul in engleza...nu o sa ma apuc sa scriu in engleza de acum in colo...dar in seara asta asa am simtit, nevoia si placerea (incercati cu google translate)...o sa postez si in romana, dar mai tarziu...acum planuiesc, visez, doresc...acum sunt ocupat cu mine...va pup cu drag/imbratisez tovaraseste! (pt fete/baieti)